I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edge
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
on your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
Love, will you ever forgive me
Now that I’ve slipped and let you fall?
I’m sorry I couldn’t catch you,
‘Cause I was learning how to love
And I’m still learning how to love.
Saddle up, baby
A storm is on the horizon.
In the last year, God has taught me a great deal about Love.
It’s a vast thing, this emotion. God Himself said it was the most important thing. I’ve loved, and lost, and prayed, and grew. I’ve held off on writing anything because I couldn’t imagine writing something that didn’t have dignity or grace inside it. But also because I didn’t understand what I had learned until now.
So, here’s what I would tell those still looking for love:
You know that quote that says if it’s not mad, passionate, extraordinary love - it isn’t worth your time? It’s true. It’s so true. This life is a beautiful thing, and loving someone is one of the greatest things you’ll ever do. It’s the greatest thing you can give someone else or have for yourself. So if it doesn’t make you feel free, if it doesn’t make you feel like something inside of you has come alive - it isn’t worth your time.
People will try to tell you that the person you fall in love with will complete you. Please, please, please - do not believe them. No one but God can or should complete you. The love that flows between you and the other person should make you feel whole and complete. It should make you feel like you’re enough just the way you are.
It has taken me a long time to get here. It’s taken me a lot of learning and experiencing, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. But please read my words:
There is someone out there who will love you - all of you. They will love your scars and your beauty, they will love your brokenness and your strength. If their love doesn’t make you feel free, or if you feel like you’re fighting more than they are - don’t stay. Don’t flinch. Your heart should swell when a real love is a part of your life. Any love that causes you pain, strife, or shrinking doesn’t deserve your beautiful, precious heart.
Some of you need to hear this for the first time, and so this is from our hearts…
The Kingdom of God is for the burnouts, the broken, and the broke.
The drug addicts, the divorced, the HIV positive, the herpes-ridden, the hopeless.
For the outcasts that have been created by the church,
And for the outcasts of our society that have been created by us.
The Kingdom of God is for the brain damaged, the incurably ill, for the barren.
For the pregnant too many times, and the pregnant at the wrong time.
This is for the over-employed, the underemployed, the unemployable, and the unemployed.
This is for the swindled, the shoved aside, the left aside.
The replaced, the incompetent, and the stupid.
This is for the emotionally starved and the emotionally dead.
The Kingdom of God is for the bigoted, the murderers, the child molesters, the brutals, the drug lords.
The terrorists, the perverted, the raging alcoholics, over consumers, the incredibly ugly.
The dumb, the ignorant, the starving, the filled, and the filthy rich.
The Kingdom of God is for everyone and the Kingdom of God is for me.